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So there are a few things I'm going to try and update regularly - Bad Movie Breakdown, The DVD Shelf and The TV Shelf, I may add something on exploitation movies but the crossover could potentially be there already. I put up a picture of KB again just to prove I haven't gone off her, it's just lack of new photos to add.

Bad Movie Breakdown #3 - Norbit

Scoring a 3.7 out of 10 user rating over at IMDB, it probably won't be the worst rated film I'll cover here, over at Rotten Tomatoes it's got a 9% fresh rating and Empire gave it one star (I'm usually happy with Empire ratings). Norbit is co-written by Eddie Murphy and his brother Charlie, which actually makes the fact Eddie Murphy is in this (in three roles no less) the much more inexcusable.

This is the first film covered here at Bad Movie Breakdown that I didn't even find fun - which goes to say a real lot about the quality of this movie - I am the person who liked parts of Meet Dave and The Adventures Of Pluto Nash after all - Norbit is a "comedy" in the loosest sense, I get what is mean't to be funny - skinny dweeb stuck in a relationship to bullying, overpowering, overweight woman who belittles him at every turn - I get there is mean't to be humour from Murphy playing both parts.

Norbit is given up for adoption as a kid and is adopted by Mr. Wong (played by you guessed it... Eddie Murphy doing an Asian impression straight out of the 70s) and ends up married to the very large Rasputia, however Norbit's childhood sweetheart Kate (Thandie Newton) comes back in town to buy the orphanage they spent time in together, he finds out she is going out with Deoin (Cuba Gooding Jr.) who isn't all he seems.

I'm going to start with the cast - Thandie Newton plays a character that is so one dimensional - her back story and her link to Norbit is her only defining characteristic, you wouldn't really know she was this perfect woman if it wasn't for the backstory.

Cuba Gooding Jr. - which to me brought echoes of the much more superior Coming To America, which Gooding Jr. had a very small part as somebody getting their haircut - and look's like he is easy going to having the worst career of all time of a Oscar Winner post-win (supporting actor for Jerry Maguire if you didn't know), is inclusion also reminded me of the fact he starred in the Day Care sequel Daddy Day Camp where he replaced Murphy probably for the only reason he was a lot easier to get.

Terry Crews appears as one of Rasputia's bullying brothers, now normally Crews is one of them actors whose may presence in a movie is cause for a laugh breaks that chain easily here.

Eddie Murphy is OTT all throughout the movie, now OTT is not always necessary a bad thing but here it's to compensate for the lack of jokes that hit the mark.

The comedy set-pieces such as the water park scene - fat woman going down water slide - just ends predictably and didn't raise a single titter from me - are never fun.

Overall - it's never funny and is probably the worst film of Murphy's career so far, which is saying something considering some of the movies he's been in.

DVD n Blu Update (08/04/12 - 21/04/12)

It's every other Saturday again, so that means it's time for another DVD update.

Tootsie

Nativity

Kundun

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou

Jason Manford Live At The Manchester Apollo

Catch Me If You Can

Zoom - Academy For Superheroes

The Dead Zone

National Treasure

It Could Happen To You

Art School Confidential

Harum Scarum

Mystic River

Getting Even With Dad

True Grit (2010)

Phone Booth

The Tudors Season 2

Knight and Day

The Way Of The Gun - a lot of fun, nobody really talks about this film very much. Sarah Silverman has a great small role early on (and gets punched out)

Renaissance Man

Honey, I Blew Up The Kid

The Aviator

Parenthood Season 1 - really great with how this series as turned out, only a few series based on films actually work.

We Know Where You Live Remix

4.3.2.1. - I liked Kidulthood/Adulthood enough so was curious to see this movie from Noel Clarke, it's okay with some neat stuff. Blu Ray buy (number 13), mini-note - I actually own more Blu Rays with Emma Roberts now (2) then I do DVDs (1), that is the only person I can say that about I believe.

Norbit

That's it so see you in another two weeks. 

Bad Movie Breakdown #2 - Bottoms Up

Scoring a 2.1 over at IMDB, Bottoms Up promises to be, well better then the last Paris Hilton film I watched - National Lampoon's Pledge This - which scored 1.6 over at IMDB (and will likely feature on a future bad movie breakdown) and is rated better then The Hillz (1.7) and The Hottie and The Nottie (1.9) which I have seen neither, but it just goes to show what the opinion is of Paris Hilton movies and this is considered BAD without even been the worst of her movies. So I am going to be honest I saw this in a local pound shop (where everything costs £1 if you don't know what they are by the name) and brought this especially to watch on BMB and let's see if that money was basically thrown down the drain,, I'm not going to do a play by play this time but more of a review-ish sort of thing

SPOILERS LIE AFTER THIS POINT

The biggest problem with films set in Hollywood with low to lowish budgets is when they try to show the Hollywood machine as a grand thing - they fall short because they haven't got the budget to match - a film set, will not look like it should etc and it just won't look right.

Jason Mewes is an excellent barman - a la Tom Cruise & Bryan Brown in Cocktail - and wants to go to Hollywood to compete in the "King of The Bar" championship, which he'll win $10,000 on. His father been very weakly supportive would be happy for the money - the bar only has a couple of regular customers - but won't put up the money for a hotel in Hollywood, but luckily his Uncle Earl (an admittedly entertaining David Keith) who is the definition of a gay stereotype and also works on the TV show Hollywood Scoop.

Mewes doesn't win the championship, mostly because of unfair judging cause he does wow the audience, but Mewes doesn't want to go home but ends up getting a job with his uncle working on Hollywood Scoop, he ends up getting run over in a cart by Paris Hilton - who panics and gets him fired - see her dad owns the studio but she is also a kind hearted lady.

Mewes semi-bribes her with some information he learns and works his way into her acting boyfriends innercircle.

Bare breasts do show up there not Paris Hilton, in case you are wondering but about 3 drunk party goers then during a doggy style scene straight after then a touch later, a random girl with advertisements on her upper body.

Neither Jason Mewes or Paris Hilton are professional actors but they ain't bad really and speaking of Hilton, black hair really suits her, this is probably the most attractive I ever found her. Kevin Smith - which I'm guessing out of loyalty to Mewes agreed to appear here - appears briefly as a buddy of Mewes in 3 short scenes.

So many of the jokes are gay jokes which overwhelms the film. I also get the sense when Mewes is part of the circle of Hollywood entourage it feels like they are literally recreating memories from the TV series Entourage, rather then really knowing the true feeling about what it's like to be part of an entourage

Overall - Despite it's obvious flaws it's not completely awful - but to be honest I couldn't see myself putting this in a DVD player again unless somebody begged me to watch it with them. I didn't really rate the music score it just seemed so generic except the music at the very end which at least as some energy, but the animated opening and little interludes though are cheaply done are cute. Overall I'd said it didn't offend my senses, it's just I'd find it hard to recommend with some many, many much better films out there.

DVD and Blu Update (25/03/2012 - 07/04/2012)

Welcome to another of my regular DVD updates, since I'm planning on the Bad Movie Beatdown there is actually a couple of titles I brought just especially for that so there will some fresh films to watch there, so anywhere on with the update

The Iron Giant - One of the best non Disney/Pixar animated movies of maybe that last 25 years. Based on a book I had to read in Primary School and loved by Ted Hughes (over here it was called The Iron Man and had nothing to do with Tony Stark).

Outside The Law

Bottoms Up - Like I said at the start about Bad Movies, this was purposely brought because it stars Paris Hilton.

City Of Life and Death
Coming Home
Gran Torino
The Railway Children
Pure

The Karate Kid (2010) - Blu Ray buy costing the grand total of £2.00 brand new, haven't put it in yet but I am fan of the original in all it's 80s glory. If you would have asked me in the early 90s when I first came familiar with Jackie's output that he would one day be playing Mr. Miyagi in a remake I would of thought of it unreal.

The Longest Yard (1974) - I've only ever seen the 2005 remake (which Burt Reynolds is also in) and seen a little bit of the Vinnie Jones Brit remake (Mean Machine - which was the original title for this over here)

Four Lions - file under #I really should have owned it before now.

Storm Of The Century
Midnight Man
Reno 911! Miami - The Movie

Slither - Slither came out close to the same time as Snakes On The Plane, and while I didn't totally hate SOAP, I did feel like it wasn't as close to the b-movie fun it could have been and the reason I mention it here is because Slither was the sort of b-movie fun that sneaked out.

Alligator / Alligator 2

Christmas With The Kranks - The Christmas movie with a confused mixed message - I think the lesson is  conform or something - The Kranks are a couple (Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis) whose adult daughter is not going to be here this Christmas so they decide not to celebrate it this year and even go on a cruise, the neighbours - who are never treat like the bad guys - don't like this as the Kranks aren't putting any decorations up this year, but you guessed about two thirds of the way through the daughter is actually going to be coming back and what happens is a mad rush. Actually based on the novel by John Grisham.

Face Value
Pride & Prejudice / Shakespeare In Love
The Falcon and The Snowman
A Kiss Before Dying
Metro
A Cry In The Dark

Showdown In Little Tokyo - and now thanks to my Bro I've got all the Brandon Lee films, and I collect Dolph Lundgren so it's great to add to my collection.

Life On Mars Series 1
Life On Mars Series 2 - BBC did a lot of excellent drama in the 2000s which I'm EXTREMELY happy getting stuff is more regular occurance for me lately, Blackpool and Doctor Who have been added very recently and now this has been added.

Catch you in twwwwwwwwwwwwwwwo weeks.

Bad Movie Breakdown #1 – The Black Gestapo

Bad Movie Breakdown as it says on the tin. My goal is to watch at least a couple of bad movies a week so hopefully we are looking at the very minimum of 8 a month, this will probably stop when I start to lose interest or films that feel relevant. I thought starting it on April the 1^st would be a fitting way to begin.

So what qualifies as a bad movie – here are some I've decided on

IMDB Bottom 100 (goes without saying)

less then 4 out of 10 at IMDB will get instant qualification, between 4 and 5 will still be considered.

Fresh Rating of less then 15 at Rotten Tomatoes

Films directed by Ed Wood, Godfrey Ho and Uwe Boll have automatic qualification.

Razzies Best Picture Winner (even if disagree completely 100%)

Made it onto any list of notable worst films (if a list is done by a well known publication or website - this again I could 100% disagree with)

The cool original US One Sheet Poster

When I decided to do this project, and was going through films to start with it was becoming increasingly apparent that I was going to start with THE BLACK GESTAPO, a title that I just couldn't resist. I wanted a film that would set the “standard” for the entire month.


The reason it was chosen because it received a massive 3.3 out of 10 from IMDB users and made it onto Rotten Tomatoes 25 Films So Bad They're Unmissable (the movie however doesn't have any rotten Tomato score)

The following is a play by play of the film with added comments...

– SPOILERS WITHIN

Very intruging during it pre credit's sequence, white terrorise black guy even breaking his TV, something we all must have seen a million times, the crooks laying the fear down on a guy who just can't come up with the money he owes them, we cut to a speech – then actually uses real Hitler and Nazi footage at first segwaying into a funky score (only in the 1970s could this happen).

The white's pestering Marsha is actually shot really neatly – and the dialogue works, it actually builds up a sense of tension and ends with one guy going too far and her slapping him, which leads to men coming to her rescue.

The fight scene is brilliant in it's awkwardness – but I think the music undercuts the end of the fight when the fight goes too brutual.

Charles Robinson, one of the few actors in this movie I'm familiar with is gives a passionate plea to someone who seems to be the general.

Guy with femine dog appears to be the big villain, he's glad black like crack apparently, I have no idea who the actor is but he's having fun ut here..

First T&A action from a woman who looks like Joannie from Happy Days

charming guy threatens to remove her tits and set her bush on fire. She also gets to be the 2^nd woman smacked in the face already – actually is uncomfortable watching the guy bang her head against the wall for more information.

The white guys spot Marsha they'd been following earlier in the bar I got a bad feeling about that.

Charles Robinson is pretty believable in the film so far.

Shoddy print so far means two night time scenes have been a touch harder to see.

I was right about the white guys and Marsha, they abduct her into car then he actually taunts them into raping her he hits her before raping her off camera (which is a good choice on the movie's part to not dwell in it)

Charles Robinson whose gots a mini-army marches into Marsha's home and in showing compassion (the first time he's not showing) actually comes across as quietly frightening – you just know violence towards the people who did this to Marsha is coming BIG -

The Army (not morphed into The Black Gestapo yet) are breaking into the guy's house as he unknowling brushes his tooth and runs a bath. Which they rush in on him and the soldiers him down in the bath.

Charles Robinson gets out a knife and actually castrates him BLOODY HELL and does is creepily and calmy – they warn him about touching any black woman again but he's aparently bleeding to death.

The villain with a dog (and now a wig) is getting woken up at 3 in the morning (and a woman with her breasts out, the third set of the movie so far) and he is told that the guy who is bleeding to death is still alive and in hospital (so much for suspense), the debt payment thing at the beginning is getting brought back up, maybe the innocent guy from the beginning will get it in retallation, the whites are also talking about getting more brutual while the woman in bed is riggling about with her breasts in view).

I vaguely recognise this shopkeeper that they've just put up the money on – he's actually entertaining and pretty funny, which leads to the army coming to his rescue and having some bad fighting. Charles Robinson then shoots a guy and has the great line “get him out of here cause he's bleeding all over my friends floor” before Charles Robinson talks to the shopkeeper ina scary gentle way again.

The white guys are threating a white hooker (Joannie) but the soldiers come to the rescue and do a pretty cool throw through the window.

The white guys are worried now meeting in the middle of nowhere – there planning on going back in numbers, this wont end up good for them.

White guy goes to hairdressers for the collection but the army are already on it but no- IT WAS TRAP, the first soldiers down and the white collect the money anyway and warn the black hairdresser to spread the word

more breasts this time from a car which is an obvious trap by the army on the white criminals as the car is pushed down the hill in a really cool bit, which crashes a lot just to prove their really hurt. The guys survives and still in the car this but the army are on the hill shooting at him, he's begging for no trouble and even throws out his gun – but they keep shooting at him anyway, they ask him to throw the money, which he does and they shoot at him again – they make a deal with him not to shoot his white ass off then in a dickhead move set fire too his car which is not techinally shooting at him, after he burnt to death Charles Robinson relents and says it's okay for the honky to come out now.

White big boss is pissed shouting at his minions, his lady is bored in bed as he shouts at guy with mustache and big hair but then calms down and actually suggests about getting out town for a while (which is probably one of the most intelligent things a boss as ever done in these sort of movies), this boss guy is getting really entertaining as he tells one of his minions he's the dumbest fuck ever

the soldiers go to a swanky house, looks like their checking it out – must be empty now, because they're turning itinto a training camp. There's shots of them showing training and they using the main house as an officers club (because the men deserve to be treat well in Charles Robinson's words), Charles Robinson and the soldiers seem to be showing their worst side and is starting to suggest the change of the uniform – which is getting more Gestapo like – and then like that the Hitler imaginery is there – the tide as changed...

Charles Robinson is doing a speech which this scene works until everybody keeps repeating “Vengeance” which just ends up looking silly.

Marsha is back who we ain't seen in ages and is talking to her bit on the side/boyfriend (not too clear) who I should make clear, and we cut to Marsha's boobs and you get a shot of her butt while we are it (helps she's a nice looking woman), she hears the phone so more T&A. The doctor rings her to say some kids have thrown a bomb through the window and the doctor as a go at the things are worse then ever now the army of took it over – poor guy – and Marsha goes to the guy and shouts at him to get out, he's been all innocent – he really has no clue by this point what's going on as he let Charles Robinson gets revenge on the beginning but that makes him a big idiot that he has no idea.

The guy, we'll call General from now on is getting pestered by the media and one of the reporters keeps bring up stuff that the audience haven't been let into one bit by this point such as money been diverted etc.

The General is on a carphone and is going to the swanky house, I got a bad feeling about this – he's trying to get in but the guard is being awkward and radios into Charles Robinson who says “let him through” with a smile on his face, soldiers pat down the clueless general and is then allowed to see Charles Robinson in the officer's club/swimming pool area. General wants them to talk but Charles Robinson wants them to stay put, General questions the promotions and name changes he has nothing to do to him, General pisses off Charles Robinson and nicely threatings him, General calls him “shit from the very beginning” and CR (call him that from now on) warns him. CR offers him money for the poor but makes a point to say just enough but General doesn't want dirty money. General walks off still alive

In a funky bar two guys are talking about the deal. The soldiers bet up the guy who was getting a case we just saw outside and the other guys put another different case in his case which the army begin to break into, the guy comes back to find his broken into.

Sweaty CR is on top of a woman, he gets off her and we see her ample breasts (the 6^th pair?) he is interrupted and we now find out it's the General's men alone who hijacked the army's supply. Does this mean war?

The soldiers come into sleeping General's house at night and point a gun at him and the soldier with the gun says “sorry general you just commited suicide”, the next scene as the soldiers take him in daylight to the middle of nowhere near the hill, as the guys in stupidty give him enough chance to get away but the fall makes him looks like he could have died, . But the next shot shows him alive and hurt as he begins the climb bloody and weak

the General makes it to Marsha with his people holding him and she uses her nursing skills to tend to him as CR's soldiers go to I think a motel to find white hooker (Joannie) ill in bed, they taunt her with drugs which she'll get if she keeps working that little ass of hers, the soldiers imply their tired and need the relaxation, they uncover her bed sheet and we get full frontal nudity, as the soldiers hover creepily over her.

CR is doing a graduation which ends with them repating VENGEANCE again that suddenly overlaps with real sound from a Hitler rally.

The soldiers now go to the shopkeeper from earlier to hustle him for the money, they beat up the guy cause he can't afford to pay, they're now the opposite of what they set out to be.

General sends out a guy to get some sort of supply's as Marsha asks if he is going somewhere and to take her with him – she suddenly gets all needy – the somewhere probably involves going against the army.

General climbs through some barbed wire fence and I'm guessing is now on property of the soldiers, and as I wrote that a shot of the tennis court is seen. General uses a grappling hook to get up a tree near the tennis court and he gets up a bag of tricks out of view of some idiot guards.

On top of the tree now he actually uses the bag to knock out the guard (genius of him actually) and manages to disguise himself as the guard quickly to be able to knock out other guy. He's now pretending to be in training as he attacks somebody who tells him to movie his ass.

the General is now disguised as an officer does a speech that sends out the new recruits (good tactic) and is at the opening of the gate where he strangles the guard to death and points the guns at the guards at the front. He gets a weird looking weapon out of his bag and preparing it looks like it will be able to shoot multiple people at the same time and will go off when somebody crosses the wire maybe?

The 2^nd guard of the day is getting ready and they look like there walking straight into the trap, they hit the wire and are killed. There body's are found but General set off a second trap and kills the people who went to check.

This alerts everybody and General starts shooting soldiers coming from the barracks, we cut to CR who grabs a gun now an dis pretty much on his own and the general is behind him who alerts him by saying “throw the gun in the pool muthafucka or I'll make you sink like a rock”, CR still acts cocky and taunts him but General doesn't see a soldier come behind hm, CR grabs him castration knife and comes right at him but General manages to kick him and flip him over and then he accidentaly stabs the guy who was holding the general in the Throat (cool) and the two are now in a one on one fight with CR still with a knife, they circle each other a lot as usually happens and they start fighting around deck chairs before finally fighting in the swimming pool in a race to get a gun, they fight at the top of the water and in the water for this soggy gun and we hear a shot leaving the General to leave and let CR float to the top.

The General leaves bloody and battered as we end the film on onw last shot of Charles Robinson lying there. Cut to funky credits.


I realize the bad guy with the dog and wig does in fact just disappear and I thought there was big things ahead for him.

Overall – I really enjoyed this, if this didn't get a reputation as a bad movie I would have no idea. Charles Robinson was great playing psycho, quietly psycho and quietly nice. There was a lot of cool scenes and the final attack on the compound was well done. I was thinking was this mean't to be inspired by Animal Farm – the plot idea could be attributed to it. I think this was a great choice for first movie, it's exactly what it should be about for me films that have had bad reviews or a bad reputation and I've actually really enjoyed.